Are you or your partner selfish in your relationship? The Truth is, everyone iis, friends, family, and you.It's just a part of life and love. This article has thoughts and tips on how to combat selfishness in your relationship, and have a happy life.

How to Combat Selfishness in Marriage

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Selfishness in marriage is something that we all have to deal with. It is inevitable that at some point in a marriage, one partner will become a little selfish. The reality though, is that most of us are selfish a lot of the time. We want to right during arguments, we want to do what we like to do. It’s pretty natural. But sometimes things can start to get one-sided and there is one partner who starts to take more than they contribute. That is when selfishness starts to become a bigger problem.

Selfishness in marriage can take a real toll on the relationship. This article has tips on how to combat selfishness in your relationship.

What does selfishness in marriage look like?

Selfishness can pretty much manifest itself in any aspect of your marriage. It happens when one partner is focused on their needs. But here are some of the more common complaints we have heard.

  • Imbalance of family time – One partner constantly gets to see their family, while the other rarely gets to see theirs.
  • Money – One person is a chronic spender, and only buys what they need, not thinking about the other person’s needs.
  • Sex – One partner rarely feels like having sex, and the other partner’s sexual needs are not met. One person is a selfish lover. Sometimes the two are linked.
  • Hobbies – One partner is unwilling to try hobbies that their partner likes. One partner only want to do what they like to do.

Why does selfishness happen?

The good news is that selfishness in marriage is usually not used for vindictive purposes. It’s so common that we don’t even realize our own selfish behavior, until someone points it out to us. As humans trying to survive in a world of competition, we are biologically prone to self-preservation, which is why we all act selfish from time to time. This does not mean that you should allow yourself to get walked all over. It means that you and your partner should work together for marriage-preservation.

Narcissism is one exception. True narcissist’s don’t act out of self-preservation. They act out of lack of empathy, and a feeling of self-importance, instead of self-preservation. I’ve seen many people claim they are married to a narcissist. Only about 1% of people are true narcissists, so it happens, but it is relatively uncommon.


Can your marriage be saved?

YES – as long as you have the desire! The hard part is know HOW to save your marriage. Take our quiz to determine the weak links in your marriage!


What does selfishness do to your marriage?

When one person is getting everything they want, while the other isn’t, it creates a division. From here things can start to become competitive rather than cooperative. Arguments can happen, which is not necessarily bad. But if they’re left unresolved, this division can lead to resentment.

Selfishness can have a profound impact on your emotional connection to your partner. It is a challenge to feel connected to someone who is often being unfair, or only focusing on their needs. It is draining.

Finally, it decays trust. Over time, when one partner is consistently selfish in one or multiple aspects of the marriage, it makes it difficult to trust that their behavior will improve. You begin to stop trusting that they will be fair to you.

How do you combat selfishness in marriage?

So how do you deal with selfishness in yourself, or in your partner? Here is our 4 step process for combating selfishness

1.Recognize that there is a problem and start the conversation. If your partner is always wanting to see their family (for example ) and you never get to see yours, you have to speak up! Do it fairly, and focus on your feelings instead of blaming them for selfishness.

2. Listen. After you say something, your partner will respond. Maybe it will be positive (great!) or maybe it won’t be what you were hoping for, but before you react, you must listen to them. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to listen.

3. Validate feelings. Let’s say that your partner got frustrated and told you that your family wasn’t nice to him, and that’s why he doesn’t like going. Tell him, “Thank you for letting me know how you feel.” or “I’ve noticed too, they are mean to you.”

4. Compromise. After you have validated your partner’s feelings, then you should come to a compromise. In this family scenario, that would be something like “If we can give it another try, I can talk to them,” or ” Next time we see them, I will say something if they are mistreating you.” This gives your partner comfort in the fact that you will at least have his back in an uncomfortable situation, and you will get to see your family as well.


Can your marriage be saved?

YES – as long as you have the desire! The hard part is know HOW to save your marriage. Take our quiz to determine the weak links in your marriage!

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