How to Build Confidence in Yourself
No one likes the feeling of not being confident. If you wouldn’t exactly describe yourself as someone who exudes confidence and grace, then you know what I’m talking about. But having confidence is actually really important in your life (more important than you think)! That’s why this post is all about how to build confidence in yourself.
We’ll give you a full run-down what it means to be confident, and leave with 10 simple confidence boosters that can seriously change your life! (BONUS: building self-confidence will lead you much closer to happiness)!
What does it mean to be confident?
There are a lot of different definitions of the word “confidence”. Let’s take a look at some of them.
1) The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.
2) The state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
3) A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.
What do these 3 definitions have in common? Believing in positive qualities or abilities to do something well.
So let’s apply what we know to yourself. If you have confidence in yourself, that means that you BELIEVE that you have positive qualities, skills, and insights to offer in any role you might play. That could be your career, your relationship, your children, etc.
You have to BELIEVE you have something good to offer. You’re CERTAIN you can accomplish something well. You TRUST yourself in all you do.
Are you getting the idea? Good.
Confidence vs. Arrogance
Let’s take a second right here to talk about what confidence is not.
There are those who will mistake confidence for arrogance. But they are NOT the same. Here’s the difference.
Confidence = belief and trust in one’s own intrinsic value.
OK WHOA – arrogance is everything you DON’T want to be. Superiority? Overbearing? Presumptuous? No wonder we don’t like arrogant people! Who would?
Confidence is simply knowing that you offer something good to the world. Not only is there nothing wrong with this, but it should be celebrated.
Arrogance is acting like you’re better than everyone else, when you are, in fact, not.
Don’t be that way.
Be confident. Not arrogant.
Why is self-confidence important in relationships?
Let’s turn the tables for a moment and ask a curious question.
What happens if you don’t have confidence? If you don’t believe, or have self-assurance, or trust in yourself?
It means you will worry. You’ll have anxieties, and you’ll doubt yourself. This is enough to kill a relationship. (Unfortunately, I’m not exaggerating).
All to often I see people (women in particular) sabotage relationships because they’re afraid they’re not enough. They’re afraid that their boyfriend or husband will cheat. And so they freak out, placing accusations, invading his privacy, and pushing him away.
All this, because they’re afraid they’re not good enough. They fail to see the value that they bring to the relationship. It doesn’t actually have anything to do with their partner.
Ever been there? Yeah, me too. And it nearly destroyed my marriage. And I’ve seen it destroy other people’s relationships too (unfortunately).
In our Marriage Support Group, we do a weekly exercise where you practice recognizing the good things you bring to your relationship. This is so important!
If you struggle with this, please join here: HappyMarriageCommunity.com
How to Build Confidence
Now that we understand what confidence is, what it isn’t, and why it’s important, there’s one really important question to answer:
How do I build confidence in myself?!
I’ll warn you, it is easier said than done. Because, most of all, it takes time. But with effort and consistency, these simple confidence boosters. will teach you how to build confidence in yourself.
1) Mind your posture.
Studies show that sitting up straight and walking tall is not only good for your body, but it’s good for your confidence too!
Part of this is because good posture give others a positive impression of us. But apparently, it gives us a good impression of ourselves too!
2) Practice self-care.
“Self-care” is a buzzword we hear a lot these days, but what does it really mean? It means doing things that make you the happiest, healthiest version of yourself.
Self-care is a completely personalized confidence booster – it looks different for everyone. It could mean maintaining proper diet and exercise, taking a relaxing bubble bath, or finding time to read a good book.
Whatever self-care looks like for you, know that it’s one of the best ways to build confidence.
3) Surround yourself with the right people.
One of the best ways to build confidence is by surrounding yourself with people who build you up. People who cheer you on, and believe in you. Not only do they just make you feel good, but they reassure you of the value you bring to the world.
On the flip side, toxic people can cause far more damage in your life than just a social buzzkill. They can actually negatively impact your self worth and leave your confidence permanently damaged. It’s important to protect yourself from toxic people, so you can build confidence in yourself without obstacles!
4) Eat a healthy diet.
“What does a healthy diet have to do with confidence?” you might ask. Well, a lot actually. For one, a healthy diet counts as self-care. But there’s more to it than that too.
A healthy diet will make a for a healthy body. This helps with body image. Additionally, a healthy diet helps to keep hormone and chemicals in your body balanced. Eating well can actually make you happier!
This one goes along the same lines as a healthy diet. This is such a great confidence booster because exercise causes the release of endorphins, a feel-good hormone that puts you on cloud nine.
And just like having a healthy diet, exercise helps you feel empowered, knowing that you’re taking care of yourself. It contributes to a healthy body image, and helps keep hormones balanced.
6) Write your accomplishments down in a journal.
It’s really easy to forget about all the good things you’ve done over the years. You may be left feeling like you haven’t contributed anything positive to the world. And then, this leaves you feeling empty and lost.
Here’s a trick: set aside some time to write down some notes about your greatest accomplishments. It’ll remind of you all the good you do (which will help you build confidence), and motivate you to keep it up!
7) Ask what other people admire about you.
If you try the last exercise, and you feel stuck, ask others for some help. You might feel weird about doing this. But you should do it anyway! If you surround yourself people who love and care about, they’ll be happy to help you.
All you have to do is say something like this: “hey, I’m feeling kinda down about myself today, and would really love your help to perk me up. Would you tell, what’s your favorite thing about me?”
And then, when you start getting showered with compliments, BELIEVE what people are saying! They love you, and WANT to lift you up. Take them up on the offer!
This is SO simple, and SO effective. Studies show that smiling actually reduces stress and releases positive emotions. Therefore, with an influx of positive emotions, you can show the world how great you really are. And then, this will build your confidence!
Secret: even if you’re faking it, you’ll still feel the benefits. Fake it till you make it!
9) Learn to say “no”.
“No” can be such an empowering word. Ever taken on too much? Over-committed yourself? Feel like you can’t do anything well because you have too much on your plate?
Yep, me too.
When this happens, it means one thing: you’re overwhelmed. This is the time to take a step back and take a look at what you can let go of.
When you can say “no” to something, you give yourself power over your own life. And that makes this the ultimate confidence booster.
10) Recite a mantra.
A mantra is like a personal slogan that you repeat to yourself over and over. You can find one that speaks to you, or you can create your own mantra.
Mantras can work in positive and negative ways. If your self-talk is negative, where you’re constantly telling yourself, “I’m stupid and ugly. No one will ever love me,” – after a while, you’ll believe it.
But it works in reverse too. If you say to yourself, “I’m smart, capable, and I bring value to the world,” you’ll start to believe it! Even if you don’t believe it at first, if you stick with it, your confidence will grow. (Remember, fake it till you make it!)