Boring Marriage? Here’s what it could mean
It is incredibly common for at some point in your life to find yourself in a boring marriage. It’s a pretty common problem. But boredom is sometimes a mask for something more major happening. We’ll take a look at what boredom could be a symptom of and how to fix these problems.
The biggest hidden problem with a boring marriage is it can mean that one or both partners in the marriage are feeling unfulfilled. This is a bigger problem than just “being bored,” because you miss your single days.
A lack of fulfillment can lead to more serious problems ranging from individual unhappiness to divorce. Fulfillment for both partners is essential for a happy and exciting marriage.
Daily life is the probably the number one cause of a boring marriage. Routines get in the way, and you live day in and day out the same. In your marriage, its common for people to do the same, day in and day out, you have the same routine, and that can cause boredom with each other.
You long for days of the single life. When you had less responsibilities and could do whatever you wanted when you wanted. That was an exciting time. It makes a lot of sense why marriages get boring. You have responsibilities and a routine. It’s an adjustment, but there are definitely things you can do to remedy.
Lack of Excitement
This is kind of along the same line, but a lack of excitement can mean a number of things. It can be that you never do anything out of the ordinary, or that your conversations are mundane and uninteresting. Whatever it may be, it’s causing boredom in your marriage.
But it’s also causing a feeling of emptiness in your life. It’s not that you don’t love your spouse but it’s more like you want to do unexpected things more often with you spouse.
Sometimes we have a tendency to envision what our perfect life/ marriage would look like, and not realize that it will never meet our exact expectations. It’s a dangerous way of thinking. It’s not that our lives can be great, but it’s not going to be exactly how we envisioned it.
The same thing is true in our marriages. Unrealistic expectations for your spouse can cause several problems, including boredom. You cannot expect anyone to meet your expectations without communicating what you need. There is no “he/she should just know.” If you keep that in mind, you can keep boredom out of your marriage.
Solutions to a Boring Marriage
Finding solutions to being bored in your marriage requires a shift in mindset. It is literally the most important thing that you can do. If you surrender yourself to the idea that marriage will eventually get boring with, and there’s nothing you can do about it, guess what? That will be the future of your marriage. If you start shifting the way you think about excitement is, and what your marriage can turn into, boredom will start to be a thing of the past. So here are few things you can to help your mindset and prevent remaining in a boring marriage.
Learn new hobbies together.
Learning new hobbies together is a great way to quell boredom in your personal life as well as in your marriage. There are a number of things that could work that would work for both of you. Try taking up hiking, rock climbing, dancing, tennis, painting, gaming, DIY, or even fitness.
Taking up hobbies together is also a good way to start spending quality time together, which is one of the best ways to reconnect with your spouse. As I mentioned earlier, boredom can be a symptom of a lack of fulfillment. And the best way to fulfill yourself is to reconnect with your spouse. Learning hobbies and doing other fun activities together helps facilitate reconnection, thus solves boredom.
Break up your routine.
Maybe you do long for the good old days, when you had more freedom, because your life has just become a routine that can’t seem to get out of. But the thing about the good old days is that 1. they are over, 2. they probably weren’t as glamorous as you remember, and 3. they will never allow you to grow into yourself and certainly not to grow in your marriage.
If you are caught in a cycle of a mundane routine, it is important to break the cycle that you are in. Try to add some spontaneity in your relationship. Take your spouse on an impromptu date, figure out how to incorporate a date night into your into your routine. Do one of the the aforementioned hobbies with your spouse.
Read articles, watch movies/shows, and bring up what you read with your spouse to create more interesting conversations. This is crucial in continuing to get to know who your spouse is and who they are becoming. Something that the can never happen if you live back in in “the good old days.”
Have a life outside your marriage.
It’s a hard balance to strike. Especially when you have kids to take care of and work full-time. But it is possible. You are absolutely allowed to have your own group of friends, own hobbies, etc… This gives you a sense of individuality, which is important.
You should feel free to have your own time, and support your spouse in having their own time as well. Remaining individuals is key in keeping things exciting.
Take interests in your spouse’s interest.
Even when you have your individual lives, a good way to support your spouse is to take interest in your spouses life outside of your marriage. Make sure to ask them about their hobbies, their friends, and anything else that is important to them.
Perhaps it may not be the most interesting thing you want to listen to, but it is important to your spouse that you take interest in their interests. You do know have to participate. If you have no desire to mountain bike, and your spouse loves it. Let them bike, and then ask them how their time out was. It’s really that simple. It keeps interesting conversations in the mix.