Want a Better Sex Life? Try These 7 Things
All of us want a better sex life. Whether you are close to a sexless marriage, or your sex life is thriving, it can always be improved. Here are some concepts on how to improve your sex life followed by a list of ideas to spice things up in the bedroom.
This is the most important aspect of building a better sex life. Without generosity, you have nothing but a road to resentment, bad sex, and eventually no sex.
I will admit that biologically, the guys in the relationship have to own generosity a little more than our female counterparts. They are generally just harder to pleasure.
But ladies, you are not off the hook either. It’s not uncommon for enthusiasm for sex to deteriorate over time. This can happen for a number of reasons. Perhaps your partner is just going through the motions, maybe their performance is lacking, or maybe you have just lost some of that libido.
Whatever the case may be. There has become a lack of generosity to your spouse’s sexual needs. Even if you feel they have become lazy, you can do something for them. This should make them want to give back to you. Be the one to initiate change.
So those are some things women can do to spice up the bedroom. But here’s what the guys can do. Don’t let her become unenthusiastic in the first place. And if you have, start doing it now. Keep reading if you don’t know how.
Do your best to make sure she has the most pleasurable experience possible every time, for no other reason that she deserves it. You will get enthusiasm, and she will be way more likely to do things that you really like more often.
Generosity from both parties the biggest lesson in how to increase interest in sex. If you are both loving it every time, you will be more likely to do it more often.
Communication is probably the second most important factor in improving your sex life. Some of you are probably thinking “that’s super awkward, talking during sex, or talking about it outside the bedroom? Where is the mystery?”
I understand wanting to keep the mysteriousness alive , but there fact is it will go away one day, whether you talk about it or not. That’s why keeping up your sex life can be challenging.
With any good challenge, you need tools for the job. And the right tool for this job is knowledge. Knowing your partner’s sexual language, what they like, what they don’t like, what they want to try, etc. is crucial in having a better sex life.
No one can read minds. Your spouse will not inherently know what you like in general. So make sure to let them know! Discuss your sex life outside of the bedroom.
This is a great opportunity to talk about your likes/dislikes and fantasies. And here’s a BONUS: It may just get you revved up and ready to go for a tussle in the sheets.
And don’t forget to be communicative while you are in the bedroom as well. It may seem awkward or frowned upon to converse during sex. Hollywood really sells us the ‘dolled up’ version.
Talking to and guiding your partner while they pleasure you is the only way that you can really learn each other’s sexual needs. Be sure to be kind with your presentation, and if you are receiving the guidance, don’t take it personally. You can’t feel what your partner feels.
Learn about each other’s bodies
Some of us are just unfamiliar with our spouses anatomy. And that’s okay. Picking up a book or reading an article about sexual anatomy and pleasure zones can be a great way to understand the way your spouse experiences pleasure.
Another thing you can do to learn about your spouses body, specifically, is to explore their body. Of course ask if that is okay. But just being curious and exploring, as awkward as it may seem, will help you get to know their body.
Foreplay, Foreplay, Foreplay
This one is mostly for the men reading this article. This is something that a man can do to spice things up in the bedroom. Foreplay is a great way to essentially save your orgasm for later, and pleasure your sexy lady at the same time.
Just as in working out, warming up (a.k.a foreplay) is an essential part of having sex. It helps with mood setting, male ‘performance, and female lubrication. All of which leads to a more pleasurable sexual experience.
Females generally orgasm with the sexual acts that are synonymous with foreplay. Not saying it’s not possible during penetrative sex, but it is much easier and common to do it orally or manually.
This can happen before or after penetration, but the warm-up is essential. Bonus: Guys, if it happens before, you have a couple of opportunities…
- You can go for gold and give multiples or
- You have more freedom of how you want to orgasm.
The way I see it. It’s a win win situation. Which is exactly what you should be creating in the bedroom.
Another common thing that affects peoples’ sex lives negatively is poor body image issues. This is more common in women than it is in men. Most men seem to be okay to have sex even if they don’t feel like they are looking their best.
With the pressures our society puts on women to look beautiful all the time, it is completely understandable that this would be the case. The thing is, in most cases, your husband finds you attractive.
Sure, maybe you’ve gained a few pounds since you got married, or didn’t lose as much baby weight as you wanted to. But unless your husband has explicitly said he’s not attracted to you, its a safe bet that he is (if he wants to have sex with you, it’s also probably a good clue).
Even so, I understand that body-image and self-esteem go beyond what your husband thinks about your looks. That’s where practicing mindfulness comes in. It is so important for your sex life (and life in general) to have a positive body image.
See a specialist
If you have tried most of this and still having problems or if you are just really looking to elevate your sex life to the next level, consider seeing a specialist.
There are many classes that you can take to get that spice back. Taking a class or finding a coach can also take a great sex life to an even better sex life. We are never done learning…
If you are having issues with pain, there are medical professionals that specialize in sex that can help you as well.
New things to try for a better sex life
What is better at the end of a ‘better sex life’ list than a bonus list of ideas? maybe puppies, but that’s about it. These ideas will start on the conservative side (for our less adventurous readers) and push comfort zones from there. Proceed with caution, and do use common sense when trying new things, and throw out fantasies that your partner isn’t into.
Get some lingerie
Lingerie is a great way for the ladies to seduce your men. It’s sexy and it will turn your husband on.
Try oral sex
If you haven’t already. Oral sex is an integral parts of pleasuring each other. Make sure to do it often!
Create a list of sexual fantasies with your spouse and answer whether or not you would do them. Or if you might do them
Foreplay all day
Start setting the mood before you even see each other in the evening. Send flirty, even dirty text to each other to create the mood when you get home.
Candle up that bedroom
Set the mood for a romantic night of sex with your spouse. Get some candles and light up the room with some sexy mood lighting.
Try talking dirty to your partner during the act. You might laugh at first, but with practice it becomes an incredibly effective tool in steaming up sexy-time.
Try new positions
Missionary is great, but if you only have sex in that position, you are seriously missing out. Grad a Kama Sutra and try some new ones. Then go with what works.
Have sex in a new place (not the bedroom)
It’s pretty shocking, but the level of sex is just better by making this simple change.
Bring some toys into the bedroom (or that new adventurous place)
If you haven’t at least tried getting some toys, you should. Toys are a great way to experiment with new sensations. It will help you find out what you like and don’t like.
Learn the art of tantra massage
TANTRA!!! The freaking best. Go buy some massage oil, google how to give a tantra massage (include private parts) and surprise your spouse with a new set of skills that will elevate your sexual experience beyond belief.
Get creative. It can bed something generic, like naughty nurse, or something very specific. Either way, a nice idea for a super sexy night.
Watch porn together
A bit controversial, but I think it is good for couples. Porn can give you ideas and turn both of you on. Plus, if you are both open about it, there is less secret keeping.
Have sex in public
This can be risky, but make sure to be smart about it. Go to a bathroom where you can lock the doors. Or find a place out in the wilderness where nobody is.
Involve the anus
This is actually more for men than women. While anal can be pleasurable for some women, a shallow finger rubbing in your man’s anus is pretty much stroking his version of the G-spot. A strap-on is also an option.
Make sure to be safe and be sanitary while involving the anus.
You can use soft items like scarves before upgrading to rope to be safe. Spanking and choking (not too hard) can be turn-ons for many people.
Watch or be watched
Want to push your comfort zone? Invite someone or a couple to watch you have sex, or find someone that would be willing to let you both watch.
Have a threesome
Find someone that you are both comfortable with and have at it. If you’re a strong couple, this can be an awesome experience.
Swing with another couple
If you are a little less comfortable with a threesome, but still want to venture into other people, try swinging instead. Just two twosome happening at the same time.